Meet Xavier John

My best friend Xavier John was born on my birthday and it wasn't planned to be that way. After discovering some problems during my weekly visit to my OB, I found myself agreeing that a C-section would be the safest way to bring him into the world. So my 11am routine check up turned into the best birthday gift I could have ever imagined. By 3pm I was at the hospital, and at 5:55pm I heard his little cry for the very first time. In that moment I knew nothing would ever be the same.

The journey to meeting my son was not an easy one. Given that my husband walked away from our marriage three months into the pregnancy, the second and third trimester were the hardest months I’ve ever lived through. I didn't know how to balance the pain of what I felt I had lost with the joy of what I was soon to gain. This was particularly challenging because as first time mother, I really had no idea what to expect and every day closer to my due date, new worries crept in… like, would I have a severe case of postnatal depression? What can I be doing better to prepare for labour? What if I completely suck and fail at everything?

Now I know better. I don't suck at everything. I am capable, and I have my family and friends to thank for it.

Getting to know this little boy over the past two months has been the greatest two months of my life. Xavier’s beautiful spirit has taken me over. He’s done funny things to me. He’s cracked into parts of my heart that I didn't know existed. He’s taught me what it really means to give and what it means to love without condition.

As it turns out, it’s true what they say. There is no rulebook. There are no sets of instructions. Having a child is one of the steepest learning curves I’ve ever experienced. Xavier reconciles every moment of the struggle, every drop of hurt, and every tear I’ve cried.

He makes everything worth it.